The Monkey Bible Story Project is a journey. We are going to talk with all kinds of people of different faiths and walks of life and ask them to tell us their story. We will explore the line that seems to divide us..the line between animals and humans, science and religion, faith and fact. We want to see if that line moves. Maybe the line isn't as thick as we might think? We are going to walk the line, jump the line, morph the line.. Come along
Laura from Montana
As a child I attended church semi-regularly with my family and elderly neighbor friend. I was, and still am, an eager learner and I got very excited about religion just as I was about school, but unlike school I didn’t have confidence when it came to religion. I was highly distraught that God was ignoring me. I did not feel his presence. I "accepted him into my heart," I begged Him to see me and let me know he was there. I yearned to feel this love, but I knew in my heart that there was something wrong, it just wasn’t right. I could not understand what I was looking for and when I asked all I got was ambiguity. What is wrong with me? Why am I excluded? It is a painful struggle for a young mind, and it never was resolved until I reached adulthood. It made me act and think in ways I wish I hadn’t… i.e. perpetuating the idea that I was weird, creepy and there was something hideously wrong with me. Anyone knows that when you start to believe something about yourself, it becomes true. I also had to lie to myself and others about my so-called relationship with god. I blamed myself for doubting; I thought it made me evil.
I remember going to a Lutheran church camp as a teenager. At this point I had distanced myself from church because it was just too painful to be around it knowing that I had this secret doubt. At the camp I was informed that the second coming of Christ was imminent, as in before I die I will witness the lord on Earth. I was shocked and awed and all the proper emotions associated with god. I excitedly told my parents the minute I god home… and they looked at each other, rolled their eyes and informed me that they tell every generation that and have been for thousands of years.
It was at this time I also became extremely interested in science, especially biology, because it explained things I observed myself in the world. I reached deep within myself and collected information for both arguments and it became clear to me that we cannot possibly know. I became agnostic.
I think many religious people have the misconception that atheists/agnostics don’t have interest in religion and I disagree. The atheists/agnostics arrive at their ideas by intense inquiry, and come up empty-handed.
Science is guided by intense inquiry; the curious minds that ask "why" and don’t accept "god did it" as a viable answer. And their answers are profound, make sense, and can be demonstrated again and again. I have tremendous respect for scientific inquiry, deductive reasoning and empirical evidence. It makes me angry that intelligent design is accepted as a viable alternative to evolution. It disrespects Darwin, science and nature. It is a slap in the face to the ultimate truth. I do not wish to reconcile evolutionists and creationists, I want creationists to understand their folly and accept the truth.
My personal issue with religion is how it manipulates people into thinking in ways contrary to what their own hearts and minds tell them. Homophobia, political indoctrination, fear, secrecy and lies permeate organized religion at every step. Religion brainwashed my good friend and my brother, who now believe literally in the bible including the story of creation. Their words and their actions and their beliefs are no longer their own, they are the church’s. I feel a huge absence, especially with my brother, where understanding and respect once dwelt. Religion changed them both dramatically, and I feel I have lost them. I’m kind of bitter, you know?
